A father for me...



     I keep smiLing. I nearLy aLways smiLe about something. But I am stiLL deepLy hurt over my parent’s bitter, aLmost ugLy, separation of severaL years ago. Since then, my dad has Let me down over and over again.
     I am hurt everytime I go to friend’s house and sees my friend’s parents together. I am hurt everytime I hear about a father and daughter doing something together. I am hurt everytime a professor mentions famiLy. I am hurt every day.
     But every day I go to schooL, hang in, raises my hand now and then, and do my best to get the job done. And i smiLe. ALmost nobody knows how much pain is stiLL inside behind my smiLe. I hang in and stays in touch with God, even though “father” is not a word with happy memories for me.

a song for mama...

she was so young
with such innocent eyes.
she always dreamt of a fairytale life
and all the things that your money can't buy.

she thought that he was a wonderful guy
then suddenly things seemed to change
it was the moment she took on his name
he took his anger out on her face
and she kept all of her pain locked away.

oh mother, we're stronger
for all the tears you have shed
oh mother, don't look back
'cause he'll never hurt us again.
so mother i thank you
for all that you've done and still do.
YOU got ME, and I got YOU!
together we always pull through.

it was the day that he turned on the kids
that she knew she just had to leave him.
so many voices inside of her head
sayin over and over and over
"you deserve much more than this"
she was so sick of believin' the lies
and tryin to hide
covering the cuts and bruises.
so tired of defending her life
she could have died
fighting for the lives of her children.

all of your life you have spent
burying hurt and regret.
but mama, he'll never hurt us again
for everytime he tried to break you down
just remember who's still around.
it's over
and we're stronger
and we'll never have to go back again.

we always pull through...
I LOVE YOU MOM!

*A song from Cristina Aguilera.

daddy

Dear Dad,
Do you hear me at night crying myself to sleep?
Do you wish now that my secrets you could keep,
When you look into my sad eyes what do you see?
Do you think there is a future out there for me?

Do you hate me dad?
it's okay if you do.
You're not the only one dad
and that I promise you.

Dad, I just really hate to see you.
The first time in years I knew you wanted to die.
Would you ever leave me dad,
If you had that choice?
would you say that love was what you never gave or had.

I know you're drinking because of what happened to us.
Maybe even me, because I don't strive for no more fun...
But i'd hate to leave you but sometimes I know i must go.

I do love you dad because you are my father.
I know you think I am not right from wrong.
But in my heart there is no blame,
Because for mum and me you feel the same.

I just wanna thank you dad,
For the good times us as a family we ever had.

I want to be proud of you dad just like any girl should be.
Our connection i know is distant because of me.
I just want to let you know that I try,
I try and try just to be strong inside and make sure I don't die.

And I am sorry if I ever cut too deep for you.
i know you know it's true,
I know as much as you know-
You somehow love me too.

*I did not personally wrote this poem, I just edited it. I read this on the net a couple of years ago and I so love it! I give credits to the one who made this. whoever you are, thank you!